No turning back now

Well, I leave for Nashville in a week and a half. This whole summer I have been really excited about the program, and there is no doubt that I am still excited. But I've started to feel nervous, as well, this past week. I've begin thinking about the realities of living on less than $400/month.

Before, the idea of "living simply" sounded really nice- even romantic! lol. But all of a sudden, I'm kind of scared and I'm mourning all of the luxuries I'm going to have to forgo. For instance, I've been thinking about luxuries I like to buy (pedicures services, fancy haircuts, gourmet food to cook gourmet meals, a glass of wine here and there, etc) and how I'm most likely not going to be able to afford any of these things this year.

I've been thinking about the Henri Nouwen quote: "Jesus promises a life in which we increasingly have to stretch our hands and be lead into places where we’d rather not go.”

I guess I'm facing the stark realities of that promise! I believe this program is something Christ has called me to. But I am definitely feeling the "where we'd rather not go" part of that quote. Deep down, I really do want to do this program but everything inside of me lately has been protesting it. I feel like a whiny child saying "But Dad, I HAVE to have that new toy..I can't LIVE without that new toy."

Please pray that the Lord would prepare my heart for making some big sacrifices and that that I could trust more that He will provide for all of the thing I really need (which is probably not a fancy haircut or regular pedicures, as necessary as I may think those things are!) and that even..maybe...that God could change my heart to not rely so much on luxuries and other silly things I put my identity in. Thank You!

I will write again before I leave.